I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
be right there i have to get my cape
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
