if i can run in heels then i can drive
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
