420 ftw
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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