I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
