Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
