Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
