oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize