she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
