we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
