I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
