like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
