He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
