Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
