Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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