Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
A+ Viking dick
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
