It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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