Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
