Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
