i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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