Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
