i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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