Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
