im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
