there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
