i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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