One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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