didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
