his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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