Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
