I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
