why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
