i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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