After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
