2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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