Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize