Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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