I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
