So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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