i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
