I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
