just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
