i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
