similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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