eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
