Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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