It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
