Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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