Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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