So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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