i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
