grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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