butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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