So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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