First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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