call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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