i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
