I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize