So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
