That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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