It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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