stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
