I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
