the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
