I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
