help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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