She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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